DaddyPleaseListen

This blog is being used to help me deal with past child abuse, perhaps help me heal and understand why I was a victim.How I survived it and didn't use it as an excuse for all my downfalls, also as a mom myself didn't abuse my children,but had a hard time disciplinning.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

A letter I started and never finished

Dear Daddy

It's me your little lost girl. This is something I should have done years ago, I tried to tell you once when I ran away . Then I got scared cause I knew when you confronted mom what would happen to me especially if you thought it was lies. I remember you asked me on the drive home if everything was true . Naturally I retracted everything as you were bringing me back to my nightmare to continue on.
It's funny you lived in the same house as me and saw nothing. It was hard for you to but it really was a hell and nightmare for me everytime you walked out that door.I'm hoping this is my cure after living for so many years trying to understand why you let me live a life of terror. I'm mentally and physically damaged still looking for answers as to why you never helped me or could see that I was being treated differently from the rest of my siblings. If my children were being abused in any way I would see the signs as I learnt from the best how to cover up Mom was clever and able to get away with it fo alot of my life. Your were my hero whenever you came home as she really couldn't much to me unless you were sleeping . She always made up double abuse for me for the time you spent at home and she couldn't really torture me. My treat when you left for work was a piece of stool from one of my siblings diapers or she would save a piece of her own stool. I tried so hard just to swallow it but she insisted I chew the stool. It was horrible daddy, and I doubt you would guess she topped it off with a small glass of urine. Maybe that's why I was never sick as urine is used in some cases for a cure I think or maybe it was all the good food you ate so I was still getting some source of food. Mom did alot of sick things to me daddy and my siblings feel for me now as they didn't understand at such a young age. They certainly understand now what hell I went through.
I searched a long time to find a man like you and now I'm glad I didn't. I loved you with my whole heart and soul but you never loved me back or saved me. I really don't know how all this is going to come out when we all decide to get together and tell you, but sooner or later you must know who the bad girl was and the trouble maker and punish her not me.




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